Sophie's Story

For as long as I can remember I have been a quiet person, who gets stressed and anxious easily. But it was always a part of my life and that was ok, for some reason this was always worse in the winter than the summer but I assumed it was something to do with school.


Over time the anxiety got worse and the winters seemed to get longer. Eventually I stopped eating and started cutting; this was around the age of 14. I got sent for tests and heard the phrases 'hormones' 'low mood' 'too young' repeatedly. Got told that I should stop being so anxious and deal with it.

Now at the age of 22 I have discovered I have S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) and an addiction to cutting. The latter I have been told by medical professionals is an 'over reaction' and 'nothing to worry about' and told to come back if it gets worse. Of course for me when it gets worse it's because the winter came and I find I can't ask for help. 


One GP put me on anti-depressants in winter 2014 and said I could go back on them each winter as needed. Another took me off them the following March and said if I felt the need to go back on them it would need to be for 12 months minimum, and at that point I couldn't bear the thought of losing my few good months to the haze of anti-depressants.

Now I'm back where I started, an anxious person dealing with myself and my brain as best I can and simply surviving when I'm not able to take care of myself. I fear for other young girls who need help who, if listened to, may not develop an addiction to cutting and who may have a chance at not hating themselves when they grow up. Who may not have to be taught their own brain is the enemy, and it's all in their head. Because when it's all in your head, what have you left to fight?